Death

Death. It is one of very few sure things in life.

Absolutely definitely going to happen. To all of us.

And surprisingly, as certain as it is for all of us, it somehow seems ‘unnatural’. It is shocking and frightening and terribly sad. It is unfair. Premature. Untimely. Unbelievable. Devastating. Sometimes it is a relief.

So much emotion is connected to death.

And this includes the death of an animal that has been loved.

An animal that has been part of the family over any period of time can elicit the same emotional response. In many cases this may be an even stronger response than the loss of a human family member or friend. We grow so close to our beloved animals.

It can be easy to minimize the impact of the death of a loved animal. Glib comments are often made which work to erode the significance of the loved one. Comments which would never be made about the loss of a beloved human.

An insensitive family member once said to me after a beloved dog of 12 years had been euthanized “Oh, well, it’s only a dog”. I will never forget the feeling of surprise, hurt and anger. Absolutely no comprehension of who and what that pet had been to me and my family unit.

That comment demonstrated to me that that person really had no understanding of the sort of relationship that can develop between a person and their pet. I still wonder at why they made the remark as though it would comfort me in some way?

In complete contrast a friend, after learning of the death of that dog, sent me flowers and a card. A sentiment that I enormously appreciated.

It should be remembered that we spend almost every day interacting with our domestic pets. Pets play a vital role as an emotional net, a support crew and ever-present friends.

And if one is lucky enough to live on a farm or property where one can directly interact with larger animals, such as horses and cattle (or any animal), one can come to form very strong bonds with these creatures and they with us.

A friend of mine recently told me how in the last week or so she lost a foal, a dog and a cow. She was trying to emotionally distance herself from the loss of each of those as she told me the stories. But I could clearly see that there was pain etched on her face. Pain in her eyes. Each of those animals was meaningful to her and had been loved.

When I started to talk about losses that I had experienced and the grief that I felt, she opened up (almost as though I had implicitly given her permission to also express her feelings). Feelings of great sadness and loss. Loved ones now gone and greatly missed.

We agreed that these animals are sentient creatures. Each of them capable of knowing, feeling, and understanding. Capable of forming relationships with each other, with other creatures and with humans. Each of these animals is a being with its own personality. A complex intelligent creature.

Each and every animal that I have ever known has been a beautiful and unique individual. Each with its own little quirks, mannerisms, likes and dislikes and ways of interacting with me. All special.

I appreciate the depth of relationship that can and does form between humans and animals. I appreciate that sadness and grief will necessarily be part of that when there is loss. We are all here together, interconnected.

I still say “no dead animals please!!!” but I know that one day we will all move on.